I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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