Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
