I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
