What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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