I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
