I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
