I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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