I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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