God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
