Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
