I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
bring money and cleavage
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
