My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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