I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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