i think my tv is drunk
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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