Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
