why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
