he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
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His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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