It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
