sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
