I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
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I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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