her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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