I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
