I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
