I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
