Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
