there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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