She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Your cock deserves a montage
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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