we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
