so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's shark week go big or go home
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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