in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
