i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
