How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
