xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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