The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
