Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
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Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
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