I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
