i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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