sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
