I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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