sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
