Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
