I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
