I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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