i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
