you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
