Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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