I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
