What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
