sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
