I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
