He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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