I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
