You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
