South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
