i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
try to milk me bitch
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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