Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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