so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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