what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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