3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
