I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
