Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
